Believers’ faith is sometimes devastated by the loss of their beloved when that death is unexpected and when great suffering proceeds their loss. This is especially true when one’s spouse or a child – of any age or for any reason – dies. The depth of despair, confusion as to “Why did God permit this to happen?” expressed by clients is sobering to me, to put it mildly. Their pain, anguish, the seeming betrayal by God and feelings of abandonment combine to challenges their faith to the very core of their spiritual being.
Working with bereaved parents for 30 years has especially motivated me to seek a greater understanding of the scriptures, God’s promise that He would ‘never leave us or forsake us.’ Dr. James Dobson’s book, When God Doesn’t Make Sense, along with several others that I have found helpful, focus on this concern. Here I’m writing about my thoughts gathered from this search for insight in order to assist clients, and myself, struggling with spiritual challenges. This is hopefully, one of several such reflections I will share in future blogs.
One thing has become apparent….there are no quick answers that wipe away this confusion. Few words truly comfort or satisfy a devastated parent or spouse who has lost the ability to pray. Instead of answers, what is immediately needed is a safe place to pour out the anger, hurt and confusion; what’s needed is a listener free of judgment. What is not needed is ‘encouragement’ like, ‘God does not give you more than you can bear,’ words that ring empty to a drowning spirit. Instead believers need to be encouraged to not give up on God, or their faith and this spiritual challenge.
With thoughts of this nature swirling through my heart and mind one Sunday morning, I heard Michelle on The JOY FM, a Christian radio station, tell this story:
A mom with a young son, who had grown discouraged
with his efforts to learn to play the piano and wanted to quit,
decides to take him to hear a Master Pianist perform, hoping to inspire him.
While waiting for the Master Pianist to step on stage on the evening of the concert, mom momentarily loses track of her restless son and as she looks around the auditorium for him, she glances at the stage and sees her son sitting at the piano bench on stage!
To her consternation, he begins playing ‘Three Blind Mice.’ The Master Pianist comes on stage, sits beside the young boy who is still playing. Placing one hand on the keys, The Master Pianist encircles the boy with his free arm and whispers into the young child’s ear, “Don’t Quit! Don’t Ever Give Up!”
After hearing this, my eyes watered, as if God was whispering these same words of encouragement, through this story, to me and, by extension, to all of His Children in their spiritual fatigue, discouragement and despair: Don’t quit, don’t give up on your faith. Indeed, this is a marathon, not a sprint. It requires our firm hold on God’s Promises, even more than our feelings. all the while sharing with trusted listeners the depth of our feelings.
This marathon is not about finding a reason to explain ‘Why.’ As one of my young client’s wrote in her journal, “What reason would take my [stillborn] baby from me?!” [See March 2020, Blog, Silent & Still]. Instead, this journey is about refusing to quit on God, even in the face of this “dark mystery from which there is no satisfactory explanation.” [John Claypool, Tracks of a Fellow Struggler, a surviving parent himself].
God will not quit on you, despite your feelings of abandonment by Him, your anger at Him. Grasp God’s Promise to ‘never leave you or forsake you!’ and cling stubbornly to your faith as a life line, irrespective of how you feel. now! This journey is about claiming God’s words while navigating the turbulent waters of devastating loss and grief.