When we sit at the bedside of our beloved, awaiting their death, the daily fabric that was once our lives is shredded beyond recognition.  When the doorbell or phone rings bearing words that forever change us, our spiritual foundation that has always sustained us often ‘takes a hit,’ at best, or worse, is ‘laid to waste.’ In short, life as we  knew it is over.

John Claypool lived this brutal reality after the suffering and death from leukemia, of his 8 yr. old daughter, Laura Lue.  In his book, Tracks of a Fellow Struggler, he writes that at a time when darkness engulfed his core, he turned to one of God’s Promises [Isaiah 40] for spiritual grounding:

“they who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength: they shall
mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint” [vv. 30-31].

He notes the three different ways that God’s strength may be delivered to us.

The first is described as mount[ing] up with wings of eagles.  Claypool states that some believers claim our faith and prayers can make us “…soar above problems until they appear small and inconsequential” [pg. 35].  However, Claypool rejects such an application as ever applying to “…the kind of darkness through which I have been walking.” He concludes that such a depth of human suffering is incompatible with soaring ecstasy.  Therefore when Christians expect this outcome in times of loss, they will ultimately feel betrayed and forsaken.

Claypool makes a similar assessment of the second description of God’s promise, namely to run and not be weary. He points out that when sitting by the bedside of his dying child, the running was over. That characterized the past, but not the present.  Now there was: “…no way to attack this problem by force, no solution of activism or energy” [pg. 36].  Sorrowfully there was nothing more to do.

It is the third way God offers to help us, that Claypool experienced as the most realistic expectation for himself and Christians to hold to in their darkest hours, that is, they shall walk and not faint.  Anything but trivial, Claypool declares, “…in the kind of darkness where I have been, it is the only form of the promise that fits the situation.”  He continues, [when] “…all you can do is edge along, step-by-step, …hear[ing] of a help that will enable you to ‘not faint’ is good news indeed.”  This promise encourages us to “…just hang in there, endure, be patient…” [pg. 37].

Claypool concludes that “…the most difficult discipline of all is not of soaring or …running.”  Instead it’s to “…keep on keeping on when events have slowed you to a walk, when it seems that, in spite of everything, you are going to crumble under the load and faint away” [pg. 38].

Of all the great insight offered in his book, this lesson from Claypool is my favorite!  Just don’t faint.  Don’t quit on God.  Don’t surrender faith in your darkness!

This is my New Year’s message to you, my readers: make your daily prayer, your repetitive mantra, this spiritual affirmation: ‘With God’s strength, I am walking, I am not fainting!’ Amen.